So often couples fight over simple things, silly even, like a can of soup. What I understand about these fights is that it’s never just about a can of soup. There’s a million other things that lead up to, or connect to this argument about the can of soup. Something I do in couples therapy is to look deeper than the can of soup and see what's actually happening and how these patterns show up other places in the relationship.
Couples often find their way to therapy to have a therapist tell them their partner is in the wrong. I’m very clear with new couples that I’m not a judge, and I don’t take sides in an argument. I strive to see things from both perspectives. I reflect patterns that I see in the dynamic, and point out both destructive habits, and positive efforts.